Yeah, adulthood is not how I imagined masa aku kecik-kecik dulu. I used to berangan on hows life gonna be bila dah habis belajar, and kerja. So far, aku rasa macam 'meh', macamni je ke hidup orang dah dewasa? During my college life, I had a wonderful time, all the sleepless nights buat kerja, and all the overnight melepak sessions, impromptu trips. I had tons of friends, some of them aku tak kenal pun, but we can lepak like dah kenal 10 tahun. But now, its slowly fading man. People come and go, but I never experienced something like this. I realized that I really never had true bestfriends at all, AFAIK. But, I am so thankful for a few people yang decide to stick around and still nak berkawan dengan aku, eventho life aku dah tak exciting macam dulu dah.
Maybe this is a wakeup call for me. Too many dramas man, its so tiring and exhausting. Selama ni aku hidup untuk puaskan orang lain, and until this day, aku rasa aku tak dapat achieve anything significant pun. Just a lil bit of this, and a lil bit of that. Nothing man, and aku sedar, aku ni memang tak boleh hidup untuk fulfil orang punya needs. Frankly, sampai harini, aku still tak dapat nak determine apa aku nak jadi sebenarnya. All those
big talks, maybe its for the sake of pleasing everybody. So that they wont look down on me. I have to start to accept the fact that I have nothing now. Im nothing.
But, I have to wake up and develop myself. I dont need to find myself anymore. Its too late for that. I just need something to hold on to, and hopefully by then, I can feel happy again, because right now, I feel like Im drowning, with no lifeline, all those motivations, It doesnt mean sh8t anymore.
I kinda miss the old dolah, the 'i dont give a f*ck dolah'. Living life like theres no tomorrow. Well idk, maybe personality aku yang dulu tu, hanya sekadar topeng. Untuk aku mask aku punya sadness. Right now, I have to unlearn balik things yang aku dah belajar sepanjang aku hidup. Never ever put the key to your happiness in domebody else's pocket. Trust me guys, because I learned it the hard way. Well, theres no turning back on that lah. Past is past, now Im gonna focus on whats happening now, and what am i gonna do next. May Allah ease my journey, and yours too, InsyaAllah.